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“I am so embarrassed, so ashamed, I can’t do that," were my first reactions to self catheterization. At the time I didn’t know what was worse, leaking, flooding, or retention.
My bladder was controlling me, and I did not like it one bit. I had gone from being a confident, independent working wife and mother, to becoming a stranger. Who was she? I certainly didn’t know, and neither did Eric my husband or Margaret my daughter. Gone was the always-smiling happy person who was in control of her life, to become what? An isolated reject, someone who had lost confidence, self-esteem, and dignity and to top it all off, due to other disabilities, I had to give up work. So, there I was totally useless, no salary only disability pay, what a shock to the pocket. I was in so much despair, everything was attacking me at once. I couldn’t go out nor did I want to go out, it was too much of an effort, and what if I wet myself, I just couldn’t cope. Many of you reading this today will recognize and understand these feelings.
But, there is hope. Along came self-catheterization. After my initial disgust and embarrassment I have never looked back.
After much encouragement from my Continence Nurse and my Consultant Urologist, I have overcome my initial fears and I do like my body again, having regained my confidence and self-esteem. Now I control my bladder, it doesn’t control me. At last, freedom.
At first I found catheterization very difficult, fiddly and fumbly, but after a few goes and getting your fingers wet you soon find you are in the right place. The benefits are wonderful, I once again feel feminine, sexually attractive, and I no longer have to wear unflattering underwear, big bulky pads, and baggy clothes. I now wear nice underwear and flattering clothes that I couldn’t wear before. I feel clean and no longer have irritating sores that can be caused by using pads constantly. I no longer have to think, “Do I smell of stale urine?” and the risk of having a urinary tract infection (UTI) has decreased dramatically.
I use LoFric catheters, which are slippery and protect my body from trauma, and throw them away after use. At times, when I have a really bad “wet day," I also use a small discreet pad that enables me to go out and gives me security and confidence by ensuring I don’t have any wet patches showing.
Going on vacation is now a real pleasure, no more big suitcases full of pads to carry around. Although the extra case comes in handy for bringing home holiday goodies.
As you can see with a positive attitude and encouragement to carry on, you can control your bladder, not have your bladder control you. Happy catheterizing!
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